Be Like Water
Be like water.
In relation to most I know very little about astrology. Outside of knowing ‘I’m a Pisces’ much of the nuances elude me. While I wouldn’t claim that I am constantly considering my birth chart in my day to day, the fact that pisces are water signs has always just felt right. If I had to define my personality I would agree that the malleable truth and possibilities of water are indeed a physical representation of my own very nature.
For a while I struggled with the possibility that I, myself, had no true identity. Did I even have a personality of my own? I remember watching movies as a child and after it was over, mimicking the mannerisms and gestures of a certain character. Sometimes even fantasizing that we had similar hobbies and interests. As a I grew older I often observed my behavior to differ based upon the social situation I found myself in. I may have pieced together a baseline of sorts, but the truth is that is you rounded up a group of my peers I would probably be described as quiet, loud, confident, and timid… and they all would be right.
What I once thought as a character flaw I am now beginning to embrace. Allowing myself to respond according to the situation is my super power not an inability to define who I am, for within me… is everything.
Assessing a situation, interaction, energy itself with precision and accuracy is a skillset. The softness of absorption affords me the strength to be gentle as a stream, and strong as a tsunami all in the same day, and moment if required.
Today, this super power was called upon as I navigate the unpredictability of working while I am at home with Seven. Without fail, whether it be late into the night or early in the day, when I want to ‘work’ I am usually followed by soft footsteps and a little voice asking for my presence. I am as sure as my name is Reagan that Seven can hear my laptop open and knows that is her cue. I go back and forth between the most productive moments. Should I stay up till the wee hours of the morning? Or would waking before dawn have a better chance of success? I could be staring at the ceiling, undisturbed in either moment and as soon as attach a purpose to that, the tide quickly shifts.
Today, the office door, ok who am I kidding, I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, opened before 6 am. A morning that I was confident would have at least an hour of undisturbed focus, now would be cut in half. This morning I would be sharing snuggles and counting tiny toes in reverence of the blessing of [in her words] '“growing so big!” in the darkness before dawn.
I’ve been honest that battling the guilt of not being present with her while I am at home, and the sincere need to produce work is one I will never ‘win’. I will be juggling these two parts of me for what seems like an eternity. I will be frank and admit that I don’t always find the beauty so easily, and I’ve even shed a few tears when I am rushing to meet a deadline and “mommy” is needed right there and now. But when I lean into the messy, unorganized, overlapping craziness…when I embrace my already ingrained and curated super power… all is well.